It started, as most things do, with a conversation.
I had a hot Skype date with Ariadne last week who won by leaving a comment in this post. We wore our flower crowns together, gushed over each other’s rooms, I showed her the Empire State Building out of my window at nighttime, and we asked each other questions.
One of the questions she asked was: What are some of the secrets to maintaining a strong relationship?
A lot of you know that I’ve been with this one since college….
Our relationship is one of the things I’m most proud of. Sure – there are ups and downs – this is real life, and any good relationship or friendship takes work. But as I mulled over in my mind how to answer Adriane’s question – one word kept coming to my mind over and over:
And not in a lame, cheesy way. But in the proper use of its definition which is:
“imagination unrestricted by reality”.
I do think that the number one way to a good relationship is imagination unrestricted by reality.
Let’s face it: We are ALL looking for ways to escape reality the majority of the time.
We lose ourselves in books, in movies, in games, in the internet, in food, in music, in countless other things.
Reality can be boring, predictable, trite.
The way to a strong relationship, the way to seduce someone within an inch of their life – is to take them out of their everyday monotony and into a world that you create.
Mail a note to your lover with nothing but a date, time and place to meet and your lipstick prints (or a single swipe of your initial in black ink if you are a non-lipstick wearing person).
I dare you.
Meet them at the appointed time, pack a picnic and feed them strawberries on a blanket in the park. Or blindfold them and surprise them with a spa massage. Or have someone else blindfold them, throw them in a truck, take them to the airport and have them thrown on the sidewalk at JFK with nothing but an envelope containing 40 bucks, a passport and a one way ticket to New Orleans where you are waiting.
I have done all of these.
I am half insane.
But I am half insane with a wild, passionate relationship.
Confession: I’m into blindfolds.
I love momentarily stealing someone’s vision with a swath of silk. Science has shown that taking away any one of our senses, for even just a few moments, makes the other senses kick in more.
Burke has been on the receiving end of much of my blindfold obsession, but I’ve also done this to my friends.
Imagine this: When you blindfold someone, you are taking them out of their own world – the 9 to 5, the endless emails, the text messages, the chores, the bills, the drudgery….and putting them into a world of imagination. Their mind will kick in and reel with thoughts of adventures and mystery.
How else can you create mystery or fantasy?
Up the ante on anything in your world. Just fire it with imagination and see what happens.
For instance…say you are working with on a McDonald’s budget and you’re short on time. Instead of eating in some lame ass fast food joint, why not take it to go and sit on the hood of your car looking at stars with your lover? There are always ways to make the boring every day stuff – way the hell better with just a dash of imagination.
When we were little, we dreamed up our future lives to be these wild, passionate, romantic, worldly adventures. No one I’ve ever known was like – yeah, I just really want to spend the rest of my days zoning out mindlessly in front of a television/computer. But life happens. Reality happens. We grow up and we have to pay the bills. We have to get things done. We gotta work. But sometimes, we forget that we can create the life that we want, with a little imagination and work.
We are only here for a relatively short amount of time.
That’s what we all want.
And if you can take a little extra time – to hide notes for your lover, to plan little or big adventures, to surprise with a favorite meal by candlelight on pillows in your room or by a wild kidnap adventure to New Orleans…
taking that extra time to take them out of the everyday and into the world you create can make all the difference in the world.
And what a world that is.
If you are in New York City this Friday, May 31st, I’ve got more tips to spice up your life…check this out.
What are some romantic ideas that you’ve done for lovers or for friends? How have you turned the everyday into an adventure?