Fear of a Sensual Woman – The Story of Madonna, Wendy Williams, and #yesallwomen

burlesque class
There have been over 1,000 women by now…
in the 6 years that I’ve been teaching burlesque, confidence and sensuality classes
over 1,000 women have walked into the doors of my classroom.

Real Talk:
The things they are most afraid of always break down to 3 heartbreaking things:

  1. Some are terrified of being sensual or moving their bodies in a sensual way (even though they feel natural and powerful when they do) for fear of being judged or vilified.
  2. Some are terrified of dressing sensually (wearing heels, wearing curvy dresses, putting on lipstick) for fear of being attacked, harassed, or “slut-shamed”.
  3. Some are terrified of time and the fear of being invisible as a sensual women because of age.

In those moments where the voices of Muddy Waters or Nina Simone heat up the room through the speakers
and the blues
and feather boas
and satin opera length gloves
and heels
take over…
in those moments when we are a safe and united girl gang of sorts
strutting tall
movement by movement at the full length mirrors…
I see their powerful/confident/sensual reflections in the mirror
I see them “get it” –

And I wish the world could be like our classroom
all the time.

This week has been hard because of the spree killings in California started because a man felt he was rejected by women.

It was hard reading the very true #yesallwomen tag on Twitter
because I realized that things I deal with every day as a woman that seem normal to me now
should really not be okay.

But here’s the thing….it’s NOT just about educating men, it’s about educating other WOMEN as well.
It’s NOT an Us vs. Them bullshit thing.
It’s about having discussions – and educating ALL people.

Case in Point:
Wendy Williams discusses Madonna and Katy Perry’s Vanity Fair Magazine cover:

Talk show host Wendy Williams said this on her television show (broadcasting to 52 countries around the world):
“I think that Madonna at 55 years old – and she’s got a terrific body….she’s got a youthful representation of 55 – but I think it’s time for her to stop posing provocatively and
put that away.”

Excuse me?

My mind flashed to the women in my classes, who worried about getting older,
being invisible,
being made fun of by society for being sensual and older.

My mind flashed to a particular woman
who took one of my classes and who shared that
at over 65 years of age,
she finally felt secure and confident enough to express herself as a sensual woman
for the first time in her life.

And here is Wendy Williams, another women, who has power on television and radio,
saying that by 55 years old another women should “put it away”.

I am sick of society controlling and commenting on the sensuality of other women.

The stigma in our society of being a powerful sensual woman damns us, shames us and tells us we deserve violence against us.

These women who I have been coaching are just finding their voices and their power.

They are just now finding their freedom in their bodies to even so much as DANCE without judgement.

It might take some women until 55 or older to even have the courage to be who they are and express themselves.

So to the Wendy Williams of the World –
Can we please let each other be?
Can we find sensuality and expression at whatever age we discover it at
without being shamed?

And for the Madonnas of the World-
Thank you for boldly moving forward
without care of criticism or judgement.

I started “Danger Dame” and “Danger Diary” because I felt like the most dangerous thing to be in this world is my true and uncensored self.

I will NEVER again hide my true self to make the world comfortable.
Not anymore.
I am not ashamed of who I am.
Can we walk tall and proud together?

Please share this if you feel the same.


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